ichiban1.org

Just a few thoughts. Things I have come to realize...little quirks I seem to have had for a long time that I now realize are connected to Vietnam and Combat in particular. Looking for guys to add to this with what they experience.

Recently, In Hawaii, we were driving on a beautiful road that suddenly entered a stretch where steep jungle covered slopes ran up on both sides. I commented that these situations still make me feel "uncomfortable". I also get these feelings sometimes when hiking in wilderness terrain...being vigilant and cognizant of the "lay of the land"...and where a possible ambush could be set up. These tendencies have never really upset me...they just seem to be ingrained?

I also have come to realize another oddity I seem to have developed. I have a fear of running out of anything.....so I have "backup" for just about everything. My wife and the kids know that if they run out of anything, they can ask me and I will have a backup stashed someplace! I was reminded of this today when my wife told me she had run our of toilet paper...and knew I would have some stashed someplace...which, of course, I did! I am thinking maybe it's an after effect of running low on Ammo! I know during the Halloween Firefight in 1967 we were very short on M16 ammo in my foxhole & were reverting to Grenades and trying to conserve the rifle ammo. Then when the resupply came...the idiots dumped it outside of the perimeter! I never went out to the field again without Beaucoup ammo!...and believe this was the root of my present day "backup" tendencies.

Any comments? additions?

Yep...I'm the same way. I still have a lot of residual ingrained autonomous reactions that have never gone away. I 'm like you - a pack-rat. There are certain things that I will NEVER run out of

I still can't sleep through a thunderstorm (Arty at a distance), still automatically crouch at a sudden loud sound (at least I don't drop to the ground anymore - I did for a while - even once in a suit!) All my "Jungle senses" hit maximum in about a 1/4 second - every nerve at 100% and tingling..... a pure adrenaline rush... takes a while to dissipate, and I'm usually a bit shaky for a while afterward.

I find that at times I still get an odd feeling that someone's watching me - (the old hairs stand up at the back of my neck), only to turn and find that someone actually is looking at me - gives me the willies sometimes. I often find myself subconsciously doing an eye-scan when I'm in a unfamiliar area instead of moving my head, and I find that at times when I get up at night with the lights off in an unfamiliar room I still automatically do the "tripwire scan" to keep from bumping into things (slowly sweep my hand up & down & side to side while doing the same with my feet). Freaky.
Lots of other little peculiarities, but I guess anyone who spent any time in the bush will have similar experiences....

I guess those survival techniques will never be lost... It's wired too deeply into our brains now, and no amount of "Civilization" will drive it out...

BTW -it may sound odd, but I still sleep in a poncho liner almost every night in the summer - (I've had the same two since 1970) - they have a few holes & are a little faded & threadbare - but they are still the most comfortable blankets you can find for sleeping during a Florida summer. My wife says I'm nuts, but when the weather gets hot, she always wants to borrow one

I go along with you all, having the same feelings etc. Diesel fumes bring back a lot of memories as do when a National Guard chopper flies over (I live in a flight path for the Duluth Air Port. I consistently am checking the perimeter (I live in the middle of 40 acres) and when something or some sound puts me on alert I take cover under large trees until the danger is passed. When I walk I as always looking down and to my sides looking for anything or anyone out of place. When my nightmares wake me my dog tends to stick close and comfort me, it must be his senses taking over for me. We just had a large thunder storm and you are right I did imagine artillery in the distance and the heavy rain brought back monsoon memories. It seems I (we) could go on and on and you're right it seems to never leave you. It's nice to know we're not alone. Ron

As many of you know...I drove limousines for a career in Atlantic City...mostly carrying high-rollers to & from the Casinos. I remember one night I was sent to the busy general aviation terminal in the early days of the Casinos. The facility was way too small for the onslaught of gamblers that had descended on the city....and many of these were asian. On this night, I was waiting for my assigned pickup in the crowded terminal. Most of those in the room were asian...and as I gazed out the window into the darkness and flashing lights of the aircraft...I recall the "whoop-whoop" of a charter helicopter that was coming in for a touchdown and how familiar the sound was to me. Simultaneously, the group of asian gamblers closest to me were jabbering away in a sing-song language that I suddenly realized was Vietnamese. The hair on the back of my neck stood up...and I needed to get outside into the cool night air and "get myself together". I will never forget it.

Bob spoke of dropping to the ground after a loud noise and that reminded me of something that happened many years ago shortly after I returned from Nam. I had returned to work in a fabrication shop where a lot of welding took place. I worked with another Nam vet, Red Huntington, and we were on one side of the stock racks running large punch presses. Another employee thought it was funny to use his acetylene torch to fill tubular steel pipes in the stock racks with raw gas and then light the torch and stick it in the pipe which caused a loud explosion. Red and I both hit the deck. We had a talk with this individual and expressed our displeasure with him but the following night he did it again! Not wanting to lose our jobs I stopped Red from committing an obvious act of aggression. I told him there were ways to handle the situation without losing our jobs. I told him we should use what we had learned and the next night while this person was on break and out of the area someone used that offensive torch to heat up the handle of this person's slag hammer which was a chisel welded to a push-rod. When the person returned and grabbed the slag hammer he found it difficult to turn loose. With the hide burned off the palm of his hand this person threatened to kill someone and Red told him to be careful because he hadn't seen any real killing yet but he was working up to it. I never heard another explosion in that fab shop all the rest of the time I was there. Imagine that, hard to believe the effect that one little booby-trap can have.

I remember getting home over Labor Day Weekend, 1968. The holiday came early that summer...falling on the 2nd of September. I had a pocket full of money, but not much in the way of civilian clothing. All the tearful reunions were over by Tuesday...and the weather was beautiful...so I headed for the Jersey Shore. I had worked in Cape May during the summers before my Army commitment and booked a very inexpensive (off-season rates!) room at the old Windsor Hotel...right on the beach (The property was lost in a massive fire in the late 1970's).

The beach was nearly deserted that week as Labor day brought cause (In those days) for the sidewalks to be rolled up and many businesses closed for the winter. There were still a few shops open and I recall the really nice men's clothing store had these great sales going...so I loaded up on nice clothes for cheap!

I remember going to the beach and being so relaxed and happy with being "home"...I soon fell sound asleep.

“When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused.”
—Rainer Maria Rilke

Unbeknownst to me, the large Coast Guard base in Cape May was hosting war games that week. I later heard the gunfire and explosions, but it was just far enough away at that sleepy moment that the surf must have been drowning out the noises. At one point, one of the hot-shot jet pilots decided he was going to "buzz" the beach. He flew down at about 100 feet right over me! Scared the living crap out of me as when I awoke...I was momentarily unsure of where I was. If I could have found that pilot...there would have been hell to pay. In the end, I had a good laugh...but it was unnerving to realize how terribly this had affected me at that moment.

I also remember really feeling naked without my M-16. I used to carry mine with the sling removed...then would make the sling into an "O" shape going through the carrying handle. I would adjust the "hang" of the weapon so that it hung off of my right shoulder right where my right arm could be perfectly positioned to aim the weapon...(I believe my squad leader, Norm Poage, taught me how to do this) keeping my left hand free for a multitude of chores and uses. There were times back in civilian life where I just didn't quite feel totally dressed...or just a bit "out of sorts" and realized at some point that I was missing that weapon hanging there.

Reading these posts bring back a flood of memories. I was medevac'd out of Vietnam to Irwin Army Hospital in Ft Riley Kansas where after a couple of months I was ETS'd out of the army late February 1971 with no pay since November 1970 (they claimed to have lost my records). No family or friends wrote, called or visited me while I was in the hospital so upon discharge I hitch hiked with my right arm in a figure eight bandage and in a sling towards Minnesota (very cold weather). A trucker who had picked me up and knew I was broke gave me coffee money as he dropped me off at a truck stop somewhere is Iowa and as I sat down at the counter I placed my cardboard sign reading Minnesota at the base of the stool I was sitting on when the owner came over an removed me from his establishment for having the sign saying I was harassing his customers, Welcome home. Another memory was when I took a job in St Paul and my wife and two daughters were still in Northern Minnesota while our house was being sold. One hot summer Sunday I decided to go down to a small lake near my apartment and go fishing. I found a spot on the bank in some tall grass and put my line out and fell asleep only to be awoken by a family of Vietnamese fishing near me and yakking away, I was so shocked by that and thinking I was still in Vietnam I low crawled into a thicket of trees and took cover but once I realized where I was and what was happening I left the area leaving my fishing gear along the bank. Because of things like that I stay pretty much to my self not wanting to have those thoughts and flashbacks take over again thinking I might not come out of it. I am thankful for all the other vets who share their experiences so now I don't feel so all alone and maybe some day I will come far enough out of my shell to attend one of the reunions. Thanks again to you all. Ron

Ron go to the next reunion. I have been to them all , It will help put the pieces of memory you have of Nam together. I see it at every reunion, new guys are a little lost, until they meet up with someone who was there. I remember lots of stuff that happened but not which platoon I was with when it happened ( I was a mechanic ) the reunions help put the pieces together.